By popular demand, heres another peek into the head of Ferris, the boy who is definitely not gay. Just ask him! Im not gay, and Im glad, thats for sure. I was watching that fag Philip at our school the other day, being all faggy and stuff. The way he practically waves his butt in your face in the locker room for gym, and hes like drooling if we have to put our jocks on. Man, Id like to stuff my dick up his face one of these days. Or his ass. I mean, hes obviously asking for it. I heard he let a couple of ninth graders fuck him in one of the band practice rooms, but I dont know if its

Im not gay, OK? Definitiely not gay. Lets get that straight at the outset. I am not gay. I like sex, but I am not gay. Sex is sex, but gay is something else altogether. I know a fag in my junior high school, and I know that Im not like him. I am a stud. I am not gay. So when my twin brother Leigh and I jerk each other off, its fun and all, but its just sex. When he comes up behind me and slides his hand up under my shirt and around my waist,

It was in the shower at the Y in sixth grade. Id gone after school for open-gym -- they had open gym every Wednesday and I liked to play volleyball. I used to like volleyball. Now, even the thought of it makes me feel sick. And I will never set foot in another Y gym in my life. Anyway, I was getting a shower afterwards. No one else was around; I was kind of late getting out. Then these high school football jocks come in to the shower. Of course they start picking on me.

By the time Philip finished telling me about him getting raped in sixth grade, both of us were crying. I held him and stroked his beautiful hair while he sobbed and he got my shirt all wet with his tears and snot, and mine too, I guess. Like a couple of little kids, we just bawled. I could not bear that Philip had had to endure such pain, and I guess for him, it was almost like going through it all over again, just telling me all the horrible details.

Sometimes I still cant believe I have a boyfriend! Its been almost six months now and I still havent figured it all out. How can I have a boyfriend and still not be gay? Because Im not gay, you know. Im a stud. Girls fall at my feet and guys wish they were me. But I have a boyfriend, and so maybe I am gay after all. Or maybe I have a friend whos a boy.

Ferris asked me about why I wouldnt use my JiuJitsu when I got picked on at school, and I wouldnt tell him. I guess Ill have to pretty soon, but the memory is still painful for me, even after this long. My therapist says it would be good for me to talk about it with other people, and Ferris is the only one I can even consider telling, at this point. Maybe if I try writing the story out I can make it make enough sense to tell.